splitpersonality73

FML.

2009-08-07T21:30:00.000-07:00

Seriously, this year is not my year. For love, at least.

I had confessed two guys this year. And both failed. Even worse; they had liked me, but by the time I reciprocated, they had moved on. Fml.

The outing which I was worrying about? It did not turn out like what I had expected. I don't want to even blog about it.

I'm reading fml stories to cheer me up now.

It will get better! (:

Lacking Motivation

2009-08-03T09:55:00.000-07:00

Drive and motivation.

These are two things I have been lacking lately. As I mentioned earlier, i am having a major examination now. Not the most important one, but the prelude to it, which most people also take with the same amount of hardwork/effort/seriousness. The very attitude I do not have.

Why is it so difficult for me to find the discipline to study? I always seem to get carried away watching (re-watching, as a matter of fact) my korean dramas, facebooking, or getting troubled by issues which are superficial and unimportant.

Right now, for example; I am more bothered about this Friday's date than tomorrow's crucial Mathematics exam. All there is in my head is why the guy I like who I know likes me, is asking another girl to come along instead of just creating time for the two of us. Does he not like me anymore? Why is it he does not even want to make the effort to spend time between the two of us especially after we have not seen each other for two weeks? To add to the complication, I asked another guy out. A long story. The web we have formed is fragile and delicate. For the next few hours, thankfully, there is a ceasefire. But comes 48 hours before Friday; who knows what may happen.

However, I very well know what will happen. I will persuade the guy I like to go out with that girl, and pull myself out of their "date". Then I will go out with the guy I have already asked out. My crush will feel jealous, and tension will cause a rift between us. Wow.

Furthermore, I will be seeing this guy on Sunday again. That is two times in a week and zero times with my crush in two weeks. How will that seem to my crush?

Get what I mean? Instead of sleeping, and resting my brain to keep an open mind for tomorrow's essential Mathematics exam, I am sitting in front of an illuminated screen, trying to resolve my anxiety. Such anxiety, as I know very well, cannot be resolved. Simply because there is no solution to it. It is not even a problem!

Okay. This is apparently the most boring and useless post I have written thus far. Raging hormones: curse you. Not on my part; for even if I can control mine, others' feelings are not mine to control. Things get out of hand.

I have to sleep.

Life rewards you when you least expect it

2009-08-03T09:33:00.000-07:00

Life rewards you when you least expect it.

Some say life is a journey.
I say life is a magical giftbox,
rewarding you - but only when
you least expect it.

The realization of blossoming
friendship;
even though spring has past.
The thrill of having someone- but
will it last?

Do not find solace in life.
For it will not satisfy you.
Begging, dreaming, wishing: to no avail.
Living! Smiling! Fighting!
And hope prevails.

Find comfort in moving on,
and Life will reward you-
when you least expect it.

What I like to do

2009-07-26T07:57:00.001-07:00

What I want to do

Sigh, with (the doom of) my major examinations arriving tomorrow, I would like to take time off to engage in this fantasy about the things I like to do.

I went for dinner at the nearby mall just now, and just when I was soaking in the atmosphere of the music and my frozen yoghurt, I was reminded of the tons of work I had to do. Then I had this fleeting, whimsical thought that gave me a brief flicker of hope and happiness: if only I could anything what I wanted to do---what would that be?

To make things easier for my now-weary mind, I will put it in point form.

- I want to not do anything when I am supposed to something. Which means watching addictive dramas during my exam period and wandering around town when I am supposed to be studying. Oh damn I did both today.

- I want to go round and explore the entire Singapore by foot. There is this adventurous spirit in me that rises sometimes and bugs me to do this. So far I have explored many new places this year. But I guess its not enough eh?

- I want to go to Korea. I apologize, I am one of those victims that were hit by the Korean wave of pop and dramas. My Ipod now contains Korean songs, and the addictive dramas I mentioned in the first point? The famous Boys over Flowers. *blushes with the revelation* Thus Korea has this mighty appeal to me right now. (:

- I want to eat without worrying about growing fat. I am sure this is nothing new to most of you, but I just had to include this in because I feel very strongly for it. I constantly feel the need to shove something into my mouth---I mean it. Constantly. People have suggested keeping a food diary, but I do not dare to see the amount of food I eat a day. Its amazing I'm not overweight.

Now, this list can go on. I'm sure of that. But I have spent the last two hours studying (after a weekend of slacking), and so my brain juices have been used up. Moreover its late and I have an exam tomorrow. Wish me luck!

2009-07-22T08:01:00.000-07:00

Public Enemies is the new it-show to watch!

After seeing Ong Sor Fern's review of Johnny Depp's new film Public Enemies for the Straits Times, I am thoroughly convinced that it will be a thrilling blockbuster. The well-known-to-be-stingy movie critic awarded the film four out of five stars, which equates to the "astoundingly impressive" level, I might say.

Personally, I had always wanted to watch this show ever since word got out that my two favourite Hollywood leading men Johnny Depp and Christian Bale were going to be in the same movie! (I wouldn't mind costar Channing Tatum as extra eye candy either.)

Public Enemies is a film about a 1930's serial bank robber Dillinger (Depp) who had gained popularity among the media and the people. He was charming, and had no sympathy for the banks that had plunged the country into the Depression. No jail could contain him, and it seemed like no one could stop him either. However, policeman Purvis (Bale), was hot on his trails, determined to capture the public-endearing Dillinger. This is followed by a series of wild chases and shootouts, before Purvis finally managed to lure Dillinger in....or not.

Sounds interesting enough? From the rave reviews about Depp playing the suave Dillinger, with his boyish good looks contrasted with the seriousness and gruffness of Bale as policeman Purvis, I am sure this movie will be a hell of a ride!

I cannot wait to grab my tickets this weekend!

I hate women who ...(ugh)

2009-07-21T08:08:00.000-07:00

I am devoting this post to rant about my dislike for women who.....(ugh)

Let me just say it: I do not like women who manipulate their feminine charms to the extent of being fake and distasteful.

For years, I thought I possessed the terrible sin of envy. I disliked pretty girls who attracted too much attention from the opposite gender, and I disliked it even more when they basked in that spotlight.

But being in an all-girl's school does give one a huge exposure to girls; you learn about the different kinds of girls, and of course, how to handle them. I have learnt that when it comes to the type of girls I loathe, it is not the pretty ones that cause my frustration, but the girls/women who manipulate their feminine charms. Yes, I mean whining, squealing, and acting weak (all the time).

Now, I am not saying that whining, squealing (and screaming), and acting weak are things we should never do. These are actions that every human being has done once--even for guys. But, they should not be used excessively, and using it at the appropriate moment is important. Squealing and speaking in a voice 5 notches higher all the time can come across as severely annoying- for girls at least.

I say that because I believe that all these feminine charms do exert a positive effect on guys; but honestly, it annoys the hell out of us women. Let me paint you a simple example. There is a guy, and two girls: A and B. (B for bitch.) Girls A and B are having a normal conversation, and they are speaking normally. When the guy joins them, A continues acting normal, but B's tone and attitude suddenly changes. She's nicer, her voice is significantly higher, and her behaviour more flighty. She tends to draw attention to herself by being considerably more feminine than A. Naturally, men being men, would give more attention to B. However, A would get annoyed at the sudden change in character.

(FYI, I am girl A most of the time. Now, why can't some girls understand that you don't have to act all feminine to attract the guy?)

It is not wise for women to manipulate their feminine charms on a consistent basis and get on their girlfriends' nerves. Furthermore, playing this tactic does not guarantee getting the guy as well! Lastly and most importantly; these women would be labelled as "slut" in many other women's minds. Trust me, that is not a nice thing. You cannot just deal with guys; women are part of your everyday life too. If you just concentrate on satisfying the men to the extent of annoying your fellow women, life won't be good for you darling.

In my years of being in an all-girl's school, I have come across certain girls that do attract the guys, but have not annoyed me. They are just themselves; and that is cool. These girls can get along with both genders, which is a very important tool in the working world. After all, there is an increasing number of women in the workforce!

Moral of my rant: Stay cool, fellow friends.

Nothing feels better than Grandma's house...

2009-07-21T07:50:00.000-07:00

My Safe Haven

Nothing feels better than Grandma's house, don't you think?

My grandmother's house, is like a safe haven, a sanctuary for me to settle my thoughts and rest for the day. It has always been a nest to me, but I only came to realise it a few days back.

It was a friday afternoon, and life had been rushing by at top speed. I just finished school and was in a hurry to meet this guy friend of mine. I had been looking forward to it for a couple of days, and even rushed my mathematics paper ( I believe I was the first in class to finish it), just so I could leave early and prepare myself. However, when I checked my phone, an message from him came in, asking if we could meet one and a half hours later. My heart sank immediately, the feeling you get when you were expecting something and got disappointed (there I go again, expecting something. But who was I to know about this turn of events?) What was I going to do for one and a half hours?

I did not want to stay in school nor go home. So I decided to drop by my grandmother's house for lunch, and to rest there for a while.

I rang the doorbell. No one was at home except for the maid. I dropped down my books and bag, while she cooked lunch for me. At this point in time, I felt very relaxed, and my breathing felt light, easier. (: Lunch was simple: instant noodles with eggs. However, the whole calm atmosphere of the house--the white floors, the sun glowing gently behind the curtains, the breeze which was ever-present in the house, the warm food-- gave me the best feeling ever!

It was then where I settled my thoughts for the day, and forgot about the rush and excitement to meet my friend. After all, he is just one of the crazy day-to-day events that come and go; the peace and serenity I felt there was a rare gem, one that should be treasured. So I just sat there, slurping my noodles, thinking about nothing too exhilarating.

The hour and a half passed by quickly, and I almost-reluctantly picked up my books and my bag, thanked the maid, and left the house to meet my friend.

I hope I can revisit my very own sanctuary some time soon; and I hope I will feel the same way as I did. It was divine. :)

Is the best way to handle temptation, to give in to it?

2009-07-16T05:36:00.000-07:00

Dear all,

Recently I have been exposed to an array of temptations, ranging from junk food, to facebook, and of course, the opposite gender. As a teenager facing a major examination in the coming months, I do not need these distractions in my way of doing my best; because junk food would cause me to fall sick (which I already am, but am recovering), facebook would just lead me to spend fruitless hours staring into other's profiles pages, and guys would just bring me on an emotional roller coaster which I do not want to embark on.

There, I said it.

The biggest temptation of all, is guys. Getting into a relationship is this massive black hole of desire that sucks all unwary or over-hormonal teenagers in. This suction force is especially strong for me, for several reasons:
1. People around me are getting attached, so peer pressure does play a part. I think.
2. Or maybe it's just my hormones screaming at me to satisfy them!
3. I'm not exactly a leper who is disfigured, so there are several guys already making advances.

However, they say that the best way to handle temptation is to give in to it!

(Seriously, whoever made that statement is an ill-disciplined loser.)

Guys in their adolescent years are immature and foolish. All they ever want to do is "score" a girl and then move on to the next one. It's much like a game. They will not stop until they've got you, but once they have, they'll dump you away. Thats what I hear most of the time anyway.

So for now, I am just going to concentrate on having good friends and to study hard for my exams. Wish me luck!

p.s: I had no time to continue ranting about this topic, so I ended it off abruptly, haha. (:

Sometimes, one should not have expectations

2009-07-15T06:52:00.000-07:00

Like what they always say, "when there are no expectations, there are no disappointments".

So I spent the entire day expecting something from someone. And this expected thing from this someone never came. It never used to be like this, but I guess I it became so natural for this someone to do this something that I took it for granted, and started expecting it. Then one day, when the cycle breaks, ka-boom, you feel disappointed. And trust me; its not a nice feeling.

You feel as though your feelings have been played. A ton of negative thoughts fill your mind- and no, I do not want to elaborate on them- thats like getting the same blow twice.

However, if you trace all the way back to the root of the problem: you realise that the reason for your misery is completely unfounded! It was your fault to begin with- you set those high expectations for the person. The gratitude you once felt for those extra things the person did for you turned into something taken for granted!

After this moral-of-the-day dawned upon me, I felt so much better.

And guess what? I got what I was waiting for.

Just that from now onwards, I'll be taking it with gratitude, and not for granted. :)

HI friends (:

2009-07-14T22:42:00.000-07:00

I decided to blog again, partly because I'm sick and have nothing to do at home, but mostly because I realised that I shouldn't just let time pass--I got to make the most of it and remember it.

I'm down with the flu (no, its not H1n1), and it unfortunately comes with a terrible cough that makes me sound like I'm dying! Sigh, I miss school ttm.

But I shouldn't let my first post here be one of lament and complains--afterall, the best of us can find happiness in misery! hahahaa. Lets see, I have a ton of things to look forward to, mainly:
1. Studying with a friend that I haven't seen for a long time on Friday
2. Going out on Saturday
3. Studying extremely hard for the next few weeks until after the 6th of August, where I swear I'm going to play equally hard. (for like, 2 days only.)

Okay there is more, but I'm not going to disclose it all here.

Bleh, being bored to death at home does serve as a reminder of how wonderful school is (although most people would hate admitting it). Without school, you just spend the whole day wandering around at home, no gossip to fuel your interest, no friends for you the talk crap with, basically, life is monotonous.

I pray I get well soon!