These are two things I have been lacking lately. As I mentioned earlier, i am having a major examination now. Not the most important one, but the prelude to it, which most people also take with the same amount of hardwork/effort/seriousness. The very attitude I do not have.
Why is it so difficult for me to find the discipline to study? I always seem to get carried away watching (re-watching, as a matter of fact) my korean dramas, facebooking, or getting troubled by issues which are superficial and unimportant.
Right now, for example; I am more bothered about this Friday's date than tomorrow's crucial Mathematics exam. All there is in my head is why the guy I like who I know likes me, is asking another girl to come along instead of just creating time for the two of us. Does he not like me anymore?
Why is it he does not even want to make the effort to spend time between the two of us especially after we have not seen each other for two weeks? To add to the complication, I asked another guy out. A long story. The web we have formed is fragile and delicate. For the next few hours, thankfully, there is a ceasefire. But comes 48 hours before Friday; who knows what may happen. However, I very well know what will happen. I will persuade the guy I like to go out with that girl, and pull myself out of their "date". Then I will go out with the guy I have already asked out. My crush will feel jealous, and tension will cause a rift between us. Wow.
Furthermore, I will be seeing this guy on Sunday again. That is two times in a week and zero times with my crush in two weeks. How will that seem to my crush?
Get what I mean? Instead of sleeping, and resting my brain to keep an open mind for tomorrow's essential Mathematics exam, I am sitting in front of an illuminated screen, trying to resolve my anxiety. Such anxiety, as I know very well, cannot be resolved. Simply because there is no solution to it. It is not even a problem!
Okay. This is apparently the most boring and useless post I have written thus far. Raging hormones: curse you. Not on my part; for even if I can control mine, others' feelings are not mine to control. Things get out of hand.
I have to sleep.
